


How Striders Roll

by MysteryLight



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Abuse, Dialogue Heavy, Drug Use, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Needles (mentioned), Panic Attacks, Podfic Available, Sibling Bonding, by which i mean the strilondes being asses to each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-10-18 09:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryLight/pseuds/MysteryLight
Summary: TT: Wait a moment.TT: Dave, what’s that on your face?TG: what are you talking aboutEB: uh wow now that you mention it.EB: dave is that… blood?Rose starts taking notice of Dave’s questionable home environment. Dave wishes she would stop blowing things out of proportion.





	1. Chapter 1

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] gardenGnostic [GG] and tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

GG: dave!! :D  
TT: Hello Dave. How charitable of you to grace us with the gift of your presence.  
EB: yes dave you’re late! again!  
TG: sorry man  
TG: was out scavenging for food  
TG: wandering these empty planes fighting off other starving survivors for scraps   
TG: i paid for these doritos with my blood ok  
TT: Which for us plebeians means that you left your room to go get snacks.  
TG: well yeah  
TG: though i highly doubt these metaphorical penniless romans would understand the bullshit coming out of your mouth on a daily basis   
GG: well rose to be honest…  
GG: he does have a point!  
EB: ooooh look at that sick burn!  
TT: The betrayal. Et tu, Brutus?  
TT: I’ll have you know the phraseology I employ is of the highest syntactic and semantic standards so that I may keep up with the refined decorum required in high-end argumentative environments such as 4chan and the YouTube comment section.  
EB: hehehehe  
GG: rose you goofer!!  
GG: of course we love you and your silly banter just as well  
TT: Jade I am ever perplexed by your ability to warm my heart even as you insult me.  
GG: :p  
EB: aaaaanyway.  
EB: let’s get this movienight STARTED!  
EB: or movienoon i guess for jade.  
EB: so uh dave join the videochat already!  
TG: ugh  
TG: why did we need to start facecamming for movienight again  
TG: whats even the point of using cams when they arent pointed at some old hobo jacking off his wrinkly dick  
TG: on omegle trying to get an eyeful of that rare preteen boob flash   
TG: even though surprise surprise it turns out to be a hairy manboob ninety percent of the time  
EB: ew dave that is gross on so many levels :(  
EB: if i hadn’t seen your face already i'd think you were an old creepy pervert.   
TG: in my heart i am   
TG: only if my untainted body would reflect all the uncouth shit my eyes have witnessed  
GG: dave stop you are freaking john out again!!!!  
GG: also it is more fun this way!! now we get to see your guys first reactions  
GG: rather than just psychobabbles and interpretative raps that are only very loosely related to the movie  
GG: so for me please?  
TT: Yes Dave.  
TT: That rare eyebrow appearing over the top of your sunglasses, giving us a hint of what humor might have look liked on the Strider pokerface. That awe-inspiring lip-twitch of repulsion whenever the screen cuts too close to Nicolas Cage’s unfortunately shaped face.  
TT: It leaves us wanting for more.  
TG: alright fine you can stop throwing yourselves at me   
TG: give me a moment

 

As John starts defending his movie man crush (“what do you mean ‘unfortunately shaped’???”) you move to turn on your piece of shit webcam and rip off the sticker that had been shielding the lens.

To be honest you don’t think the whole webcam thing is as bad as you make it sound. It definitely lends some insight, and not just into the incomprehensible word vomit you and Rose tend to get up to. Actually seeing John getting all worked up over dumb movies, like he currently is, was what it took for you to realize he was one hundred percent genuine in all this.

You return to reading the chat.

 

EB: either way, nick cage awesome and just to prove that point we are watching one of his classics tonight.  
TT: Do we have to.  
EB: yes. you. do.  
EB: rose you don’t get to complain since your last movie choice with the creepy murder clown almost made dave cry.  
TG: lies and slander  
TT: Ah, yes. Fond memories.  
EB: also dave you are suspended from movie-picking privileges for tricking us into watching gross ecchi anime two times in a row.  
TG: aw man you guys just dont appreciate ironic masterpieces do you  
EB: so bottom line being for the next bazillion years it’s just me and jade picking the movies!  
TT: Leaving us with a Nicholas Cage movie one week and a borderline pornographic furry depiction the other.  
TT: How we suffer.  
GG: jeeeeez rose for the last time just because no one wears pants in winnie the pooh it isnt like that!!! >:0  
GG: anyway i saw see daves blond head popping up just now  
GG: so lets gooooooooo!  
TG: sorry jade but i think maybe you meant that  
TG: we are making this  
TG: …  
GG: happen!! :D  
TG: damn right we are  
TT: Wait a moment.  
TT: Dave, what’s that on your face?  
TG: what are you talking about  
EB: uh wow now that you mention it.  
EB: dave is that… blood?

 

You move your hand up to touch your cheek and are met with the course texture of damaged skin. The cut had been so superficial that you hadn’t even considered treating it. When you remove your hand, however, it does leave a few drops worth of blood smeared over your fingertips.

 

 

 

It had been the result of one of your Bro’s traps gone wrong.

They often did. But that was kind of the point. You either learn or get mauled, simple and plain.

This one had involved shurikens and a detrimental lapse in your attention as you had just caught a sniff of sweet sweet nacho cheese odor. An open bag of doritos lay beckoning on the kitchen counter. A smell intensified by the fact that you hadn’t had the chance to eat dinner yet. A classic setup. Which you fell for.

Goddamn embarrassing is what it was.

 

TG: are you sure thats not just a glitchy pixel put there by this old ass webcam  
EB: *EYES SUSPICIOUSLY*  
TG: ugh  
TG: okay yeah i guess im actually bleeding  
GG: oh no dave are you okay?? :(  
TG: yeah jade dont worry  
TG: its just a scratch  
TT: It looks painful for being “just a scratch.” What happened?  
TG: nothing really  
TG: just some bullfuckery you know how it is  
TG: here look at me putting a dinosaur band aid on it and everything  
TG: all it needs now is a kiss and itd be all better  
GG: dave you got to take better care of yourself in the first place you dummy!!!  
GG: that being said  
GG: mwah <3  
TG: thanks jade youre the best  
EB: hmmmmmmmm.  
TG: come on man look at it this way im just thinking of my future here  
TG: how am i ever going to pull of the rugged on-the-road badass look without having at least one scar to show for it  
TG: of course not a terribly disfiguring scar thatd be lame  
TG: but a scar that asks questions like who is this man? why do i, a hot babe, feel so inexplicitly drawn to the vulnerabilitly that is no doubt hidden in his tragic backstory?  
EB: okay fine.  
EB: that reminds me did you know that nick cage has a barely visible scar on his chin?  
EB: you can see it if you look really closely at him in ‘the family man.’ it adds a layer of mystery to his already rad persona as a solitary businessman.  
EB: was it from a backstory that had been cut in the final revision? was it an actual scar that they just forgot to put make-up on in that particular movie? nobody knows for sure.  
TG: john no   
TG: i take it back   
TG: i dont want to spend one more second thinking about cages weird face  
EB: too late!  
TT: So how long is it exactly that male celebrity figures have been a returning theme in your fantasies? We might be closing in on a breakthrough here.  
TT: Let me get my notebook.  
TG: oh god what have i done

 

You end up watching The Family Man and it is expectedly terrible by virtue of it being a movie that John enjoys. However John’s child-like excitement, Rose’s continuous bickering about plot holes, and Jade’s wholesome confusion about basic human concepts make it a fun watch nonetheless. As is usually the case.

Not that you’d ever admit that.

You are about to shut down Pesterchum to mess around with one of your new comics when Rose starts pestering you in private.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: For the sake of keeping my alleged journal on your mental well-being up to date I must ask.  
TT: What really happened to your face? Is it something we should worry about?  
TG: no man that shits embarrassing   
TT: Humor me.  
TG: a man must keep some mystery about him damn it  
TG: now for all you know i could be a wayward vigilante   
TG: nicked by my arch nemesis during the height of battle while racing against the clock to save houston from the invading crab people army once again   
TG: all the while the truth could be that a loose safety pin caressed my cheek while i was busy sucking soft velvet puppet dick  
TG: the point being  
TG: you can never be sure  
TT: Judging by the graphically phallic nature of that metaphor, which you know is right up my psychoanalytical alley, I’d say I was right in worrying just by virtue of how adamant you seem on distracting me from this topic.  
TT: So how about you actually tell me. “Spill the beans,” as they say.  
TG: okay so  
TG: how about we scope up all of these proverbial beans and shove them back into the can   
TG: by which i mean how about you can the fake sincerity and put it back on the highest shelve of lalonde passive-aggressively where it belongs  
TG: to be touched only in the most bitter of mother-daughter feuds  
TT: Ouch. Have you ever considered that I may just be expressing my sincere worries as a genuine expression of my friendship?  
TG: not a second no   
TG: not when you start the conversation by literally referring to that fucking journal   
TG: which you usually go on and on about when trying to pick apart my dreams and behaviors for homoerotic signs of my repressed sexuality  
TT: Alright, point taken. I apologize for my tactless attempt at broaching this topic. It was not my intention. The ingrained patterns of speech by which I mean the constant bullshitting you and I are prone to are hard to break sometimes.  
TG: okay  
TT: Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it anyway?  
TG: nah  
TT: I see.  
TT: Then I guess this is the part where I bid you goodnight.  
TG: night rose

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 


	2. Chapter 2

It’s a Friday evening several weeks later. You are about to abscond to your room for one of your weekly movie nights when your Bro suddenly appears in front of you in the hallway. He nods his head upwards, then disappears.

You breath out and try to relax your tense shoulders. Damn. You hoped that after striving with him yesterday you’d be off the hook for at least a few days. But maybe you shouldn’t be surprised. Over the last few months you and your Bro have been striving more and more frequently. He even upped the difficulty of your overall training regimen, pushing you to your limits. Almost as if he’s preparing you for something big.

You would ask if you’d expect him to actually answer. Of course he’s way too cool for that.

You grab a sword out of the fridge and head upstairs.

 

 

***

 

You walk out onto the roof. Bro is standing near the edge with his back to you, katana in hand. A perfect parody of some obscure samurai anime, you bet.

“Hey Bro, can we make this quick? I’m supposed to meet up with friends in twenty.”

You gauge his reaction carefully, hand on the hilt of your sword. He looks at you from over his shoulder. “Depends. Think you can beat me that quick?”

You never beat him in a strife before and he knows it, knows that you know it. You draw your sword and brace yourself.

As usual he controls the phase of the fight. It is a particularly brutal one, his attacks coming in so fast that you barely have the opportunity to retaliate. You realize Bro is trying to prove a point. The point being that you are utterly incompetent and should in no way be trying to get out of practice early.

Which, fair. You shouldn't known better than to open your mouth.

But the fight drags on for-fucking-ever, and you grow increasingly frustrated despite your better judgement. When you finally get a swipe in it is sloppy and rushed. He easily parries by grabbing your sword arm by the wrist and landing you several meters away on your back. You gasp as all air is knocked out of your lungs in the process. Your sword clatters to the floor next to you.

“You’re impatient,” he notes.

You move to pick up your sword, breathing hard. “Geez, I wonder why.”

“Deal with it. A real enemy wouldn’t wait the fuck around for you to take a break.”

“Oh, come on!” you blurt. “I can defend myself just fine and you know it.” And wow that sounded hella lame but god if you aren’t tired and frustrated and this was like the fourth strife this week and you just want to talk to your friends right now.

“Prove it then.”

To no one’s surprise, you end up proving nothing. Your frustration just grows, not to mention your exhaustion. Finally a miscalculation on your part punishes you with an elbow to the face. The alarming force behind it buries your shades deep into your eye socket.

 

 

The pain is both immediate and dizzying. You stagger backwards, dropping your sword to clutch at your face with both hands. Your left eye is already starting to swell, obscuring your vision. “Jesus, Bro,” you swear. But when you look up with your other eye, he is long gone.

You wait around for a few minutes to make sure he stays that way. Then you take off your shades—god that hurts— to inspect them. They’re fine. Thank god. They were a gift from John, after all.

You look at the sky, which has turned almost completely dark over the course of the strife. You feel a headache coming up.

 

 

***

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] gardenGnostic [GG] and tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: sorry im late  
TG: i was busy getting my ass handed to me by my bro on the roof  
EB: oh man  
EB: he wanted to strife you AGAIN  
TT: Oh my.  
GG: guardians can be so troublesome, always vying for so much attention  
TG: you know it jade  
TG: its fine tho  
TG: ive been through this spiel basically since birth yo  
TG: i know how to handle myself  
TG: this is the part where you all imagine me as a muscular yet lean powerhouse the likes of which are only seen on sports magazine covers with the help of heavy duty photoshop  
TG: except every single inch of me is real  
EB: be real dave no one buys your lame cool act especially not after seeing your scrawny ass!  
GG: soooooo cooooool!!  
EB: jade you’re not helping!!!  
GG: sorry :(  
TT: I can only imagine the everyday struggles a man so outrageously handsome must face.  
TG: oh dont even get me started rose  
TG: bitches be flying at me left and right like moths to a flame  
TG: except my fires are so damn hot i might as well be a fucking inferno  
TG: you better watch out before you get burned  
TT: I will try to keep that in mind.  
EB: you know dave sometimes i feel like all this coming in late and all the following bullshitting.  
EB: is just you having stupid excuses to put off watching the actual movie!  
TG: any second i get to put off another reunion with cages gross face is a second i cherish  
EB: HEY now :(  
TG: but no man the strifes just come and go  
TG: i cant predict when another may start  
TG: also dont act like youre never suddenly gone during chats because of your dad  
EB: haha yeah i guess he's a real hassle sometimes.  
TG: well then you know how it is  
GG: anyway i have good news you wont be having to look at cages gross face today!  
GG: because iiiiim the one picking tonights movie!  
GG: we are watching……  
GG: wait for it…………  
GG: beauty and the beast! :D  
TT: Ah, yes.  
TT: The classic that perfectly balances bestiality with a healthy touch of Stockholm Syndrome.  
GG: rose you said you would behave ._.  
TT: My bad.  
TT: I will try to throw my common sense in the wind and numb out my mind with false promises of ballroom dresses and rich princes waiting to romance me.  
GG: ok that doesnt sound very honest of you but i appreciate the effort!!  
TG: oh yeah about that  
TG: i cant be facechatting tonight  
TG: just imagine my reactions in your fantasies using the abovementioned description  
GG: aawwwwww :(  
EB: huh, why? is your webcam broken or something?  
TG: something like that

 

 

***

 

By next Monday your eye has changed from an angry red to an even grosser purple. Luckily most of it is hidden behind your shades. The edges of the bruise showing underneath its rims and at the bridge of your nose do garner some weird looks around school, however.

On Tuesday your history teacher takes you aside to ask you about it. His concern soon turns into annoyance however as you give an explanation that grows more bizarre by the minute. It involves basketball, a bear, alien abduction, and a deliberate amount of gross imagery. At one point your teacher gets so fed up with you that he tells you to get out already before he gives you detention, probably wishing he’d never asked.

It always works.

 

 

***

 

That week Bro goes easy on you. That is to say, easy for his standards, with only one smuppet trap and two (relatively tame) strife sessions. You appreciate it nonetheless. He often does this after you sustain a particularly bad injury. One evening he even plays video games with you on the couch instead of cornering you for a strife. It’s pretty neat, all things considered.

It also ensures that on Friday you have no trouble getting to your computer in time for once. Your eye feels a lot better now, its bruising barely visible anymore. You claim your webcam magically fixed itself and watch another shitty movie.

A day later you regret that decision.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Hello Dave.  
TT: I know last time I tried to confront you about a similar matter my inquiry was not received well on account of my apparent insincerity.  
TT: So let me start this conversation by stating that I hereby bury the passive-aggressive hatchet and swear solemnly not to dig it up until at least this log’s completion.  
TT: Even as my fingers will strain for its loving caress, my superego will fight to keep those urges drowning under the iceberg’s peak.   
TT: That being said.  
TT: Be honest, what is up with you?  
TG: k thanks im totally convinced now  
TG: and therefore i will reward you with the truth which is that nothing is up   
TG: not even the ceiling not even stars the sky of strider issues is so goddamn empty that it is as if you were staring straight back into the dark abyss that is your own soul  
TT: Even as you avoid the question I can’t help but I appreciate the Lovecraftian appeal of that burn.  
TG: youre welcome  
TT: Dave your black eye showed underneath your shades yesterday. Something clearly went down.  
TT: I don’t think Jade and John noticed but the fading bruise was telling enough.  
TG: wow rose i didnt realize you enjoyed staring at my face that much for you to notice these kind of things  
TG: you should have said so i could have just sent you a picture  
TT: …  
TG: ugh fine yes i had a black eye  
TG: but like you said its mostly gone already  
TG: so i dont see the problem  
TT: How did you acquire it?  
TG: shenanigans  
TT: What kind?  
TG: the kind that involves basketball a bear and me being abducted by aliens  
TT: Basketball? Really Dave? You can do better than this.  
TG: yeah sorry i guess that part was pretty far fetched  
TG: anyway you should wait until the russian strippers come into the story   
TT: Ugh.  
TT: I didn’t want to do this but you are forcing my hand here.  
TT: Judging by the color, the bruise seems to be about a week old.  
TT: And last week you came in late to our movie night because you had been striving with your Bro.  
TT: During the same movie night you claimed not to be able to use your webcam, presumably because you didn’t want us to see your injury.  
TT: And then during the movie you kept disappearing for short intervals, presumably to get ice for your face.  
TT: Leading me to believe that your Bro must have punched you a black eye during your strife session.  
TG: haha wow lalonde  
TG: thats a fuckton of assumptions and allegations you are laying down there  
TT: Correct me if I’m wrong then.  
TG: okay yes it happened during our strife  
TG: it was just a training accident okay   
TG: it happens  
TG: a sleuthing job well done rose gold star if you ever apply for a detective job i will be sure to write you that recommendation letter  
TT: So he’s hurt you before?  
TG: oh man dont say it like that like theyre not just training mishaps  
TG: the odd bruise here the rare sword scrape there  
TG: though before you ask that scratch from a few weeks ago was not even from striving  
TG: anyway its strifes of course you get shit on sometimes what do you think a strife is  
TT: I’m not sure.  
TT: I’m beginning to suspect that your definition of a strife is different from mine.  
TT: For me it’s mostly a passive-aggressive conflict.  
TT: Refusing insincere gifts.  
TT: Making empty suicide threats.  
TT: That sort of thing.  
TT: I suppose I’ve subconsciously assumed the antics you and your Bro get up to were of a similar kind.  
TG: haha no  
TG: the fuck would i learn sword fighting if that was all  
TT: So it’s a duel right? You get him back just as good?   
TG: no man i wish  
TG: i cant even harm a stitch on lil cal   
TG: the guy and his puppet are as unreachable as his level of irony is  
TT: Hm.  
TT: Why did you never tell us?  
TG: i do tell you guys  
TG: like every other conversation  
TG: remember all the times i complain about getting my ass kicked in strifes and about all of his goddamn puppet ninja traps  
TG: we laugh it off remember like friends do when their guardians are being particularly ridiculous or hard to deal with like they are prone to being for some reason  
TG: instead of embarking on a full investigation  
TT: You never talk about the injuries though.  
TG: i mean why would i  
TG: its pretty outrageously uncool dont you think  
TG: do you want me to crush jades dreams rose  
TG: do you  
TT: Dave I don’t think she would stop the hero-worship even if you were to lose a fight against a squirrel.  
TG: well  
TG: no reason to take my chances  
TG: are we done yet  
TT: I still find it suspicious how you are being so damn cagey about all this.   
TG: rose for how long have we known each other now  
TG: cagey bullshit is all we ever talk to the point that we dont even adhere to the regular english dictionary anymore  
TT: I guess that’s true.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

That evening, when you undress to take a shower, you do a double take at your mirror image.

A pattern of white lines and faded bruises decorate your skin. There’s scars from trying to catch falling swords out of the air, scars from blocking improperly, and bigger scars from failing to block at all.

As much as you hated the pain of every single one of these you could always simply understand them as the inevitable side effect of learning how to fight. Plus it’s not like Bro would ever seriously maim you.

And yet for some reason the image leaves a bad aftertaste in your mouth.

In true Strider fashion, you shrug it off and go on with your routine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "the sky of strider issues is so goddamn empty" is probably the biggest lie Dave will tell in this fic... That and one other.
> 
> Please tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave.  
TT: I was mulling over our last conversation and it left me wondering.  
TG: huh  
TG: did it now  
TT: To be more specific, you let slip that the cut on your face you were sporting a few weeks back was not caused by a strife. Among other things, I was wondering how else that could have happened?  
TG: why are you asking  
TG: havent you picked at my psyche enough to keep you going for at least a week  
TT: It’s but a simple question. Why should I have ulterior motives?  
TG: i just dont get why you are so goddamn nosy all of a sudden  
TG: its like youre trying to create a historical atlas of every single dent on my face   
TG: fyi if thats the case i claim dividend  
TT: Maybe I simply care about what goes on in your life?  
TT: (Rest assured that you’ll be paid fair and square when the first edition is out on the shelves.)  
TG: ok good  
TG: anyway the answers still no  
TT: Hm.   
TT: You know I could always ask Jade or John about it. Maybe you told them something you’re not telling me. And even if not, they would probably appreciate being informed about how their friend Strider keeps getting hurt for mysterious reasons.  
TG: rose are you really threatening to spill my virgin secrets to the entire school  
TG: after we pinky swore on it and everything  
TG: this is a major breach of teenage girl sleepover etiquette if ive ever seen one  
TG: equal in severity only to social catastrophes like telling the popular kids that i snore or snitching to my crush that i like him   
TT: Him?  
TG: or her of course if i were talking about me   
TG: instead of going to great lengths trying to take the perspective of a teenage girl  
TG: which is clearly what i was doing  
TT: Right, obviously.  
TT: Don’t mind me while I file that one away for later analysis.  
TG: oh god please dont  
TT: That being said, you have truly opened my eyes to the monster that I am.   
TT: Threatening to invoke the help of those who care deepest about you out of a profound concern for your health and overall well-being. How could I?  
TG: oh come on rose  
TG: i mean fine ill talk but did you really have to add blackmail and guilt trips to your list of coercion techniques  
TT: Yes Dave, I’m confident that it was necessary.   
TT: I’m also confident that you’re self-aware enough to know why.   
TG: the real question here is  
TG: are you self aware enough to know what an insufferable know it all you are sometimes   
TT: Of course. All part of the brand.  
TG: heh  
TT: So?  
TG: alright alright im getting there  
TG: what happened was  
TG: well basically it was just one of my bros ironic ninja traps  
TG: involving shurikens a bag of doritos on the kitchen counter as bait and me being betrayed by my primal instincts  
TG: needless to say i didnt get out of dodge in time so it scraped me  
TG: it was so superficial i didnt make a big deal out of it i didnt even notice i was bleeding until you know   
TG: you guys pointed it out it in the chat  
TT: Huh.  
TT: You know at times like this I am hit with the absurdity that I find this more believable coming from you than you getting a black eye in basketball.  
TG: haha yeah  
TT: Don’t his traps usually involve masses of plush rumps though? This sounds rather ill-advised.   
TG: i mean often puppets are involved yeah but not that time thank god i am so sick of puppets  
TG: but the idea is the same really its just more training bullshit  
TG: guess it doesnt really matter whether they are emotionally or physically scarring   
TT: Ouch. What does that even train you for?  
TG: its about staying on your guard at all times  
TG: so that i dont fall for obvious shit  
TT: Oblivious shit like fatal traps in the only place where you’d find food?  
TG: i mean they wouldnt be very effective if i could just avoid it  
TG: also its not fatal if you dodge  
TT: Which you almost didn’t that time.  
TG: yeah well i was distracted by the smell of doritos after not having eaten dinner can you blame a man  
TT: And you did not eat dinner because…  
TG: uh  
TG: fuck  
TG: usually when we arent getting takeaway he leaves me money for food but sometimes he forgets  
TG: though in hindsight this time around it was probably just the setup of his trap  
TT: Ah, I see.  
TT: The fact that he starves you beforehand to make sure you go for his traps makes me feel so much better.  
TG: god rose im not starving  
TG: i have a food stash in my closet  
TG: apple juice and fruit loops for days  
TG: also a much smaller chance of being buried by swords if you open it unlike the fridge  
TT: ...  
TG: what  
TG: whats with the judgmental dots  
TT: Just… let me get this straight. You have resorted to hoarding food in your room because sometimes there is no food in the house or if there is it may be dangerous to get your hands on it.  
TG: well  
TG: technically yes  
TG: but its a win win really the less i wander around the house the less chance he has to get the drop on me  
TT: You’re scared of him.  
TG: wow  
TG: no? why would you even say that  
TT: You are giving off the impression you are scared to freely walk around your house because of the constant possibility of getting surprised by either his traps or his strife sessions.  
TG: are you calling me a coward  
TT: No. I’m just trying to understand how you see these things.  
TG: ugh  
TG: should i lie down on this couch while youre at it to make the psychoanalysis easier  
TG: i just dont always feel up to the confrontation 24 7 ok  
TG: i know for a fact that you avoid the shit out of your mom on most days so dont act like you dont know what its like  
TT: I do, but for different reasons.  
TT: My mom is mockingly overbearing in a wicked imitation of parenthood. Any interaction she attempts with me carries at least three layers in the art of passive-aggressiveness, always looking for new ways to spite me. You are right in that on many days I’d rather not be subjected to the woman’s mind games.  
TT: But even so she would never ever physically endanger me, or frighten me because she might.  
TG: oh  
TT: I mean, as long as I refuse to step into a car with her that is.  
TT: Thank god for busses.  
TT: Your Bro however…  
TT: Dave, honestly, do you not see the issue with his… unorthodox approach to raising you?   
TG: rose  
TG: if unorthodox was a religion my bro would have been baptized at birth  
TG: except the moment the pervy old priest guy tried dunking the holy jesus water on his head he ollied the fuck outta there  
TG: no one had even considered skateboards as part of church lore untill that day not even the unorthodox church  
TG: thats how unorthodox he is its not like i could have missed that fact  
TT: I do not think that’s how baptism work.   
TG: haha yeah  
TT: I also do not think any of this is particularly funny. Your attempts at beating around the bush are much more transparent than you think.  
TT: Being a weirdo doesn’t excuse him from being held up to certain standards.   
TG: your loss then  
TG: look whether you understand it or not is beside the point hes a badass everything else is just part of the brand  
TG: oh look what i did there using your own words against you  
TG: wonder what that feels like  
TT: Ah, we’re back to your other major defense mechanism. Right on schedule.  
TG: no thats just me calling you out for being an ass  
TG: we are striders rose  
TG: this is how we roll   
TG: and that is all there is to say on the matter

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

  
  


Predictable defense mechanisms be damned. It’s what she gets for being too nosy.

You log off pesterchum and glance over the top of your knees to study Bro sitting on the other end of the couch. He is focused on his laptop, probably editing one of his puppet porn videos. Nothing weird about this situation. Just two dudes hanging out, why would you hang out with someone you’re scared of? Rose’s accusation is so fucking baseless.

(Okay so maybe the puppet porn thing is a little weird, but it’s not like Bro wouldn’t kill you for trying to peek at his screen. Responsible big brother behavior right there.)

Either way, you are glad that even though you were just blatantly discussing him, for once Bro seems none the wiser. You’ve grown out of the delusion that Bro is able to read your mind (embarrassingly enough not that long ago), but his knack for guessing it right keeps you on your toes regardless.

The thing is, sometimes you do wish that things were different between you and your Bro. Of course Rose‘s account is exaggerated, an attempt to feast upon your supposed vulnerabilities. Something that, if you value your life, you should not give into. But that doesn’t stop you from wondering about it in private.

Because wouldn’t it be awesome if the whole Strider household atmosphere could cool down a tad? On occasion? Not in the sense in that the two of you should stop being so outrageously cool, because there is just no way around the fact that the Strider household is the most badass there is, but…

Sometimes you miss the days in which he’d let you talk his ear off without punishing you for annoying him. Or when during the early strifes he’d make you push him, fall over, and pretend that you did it all on your own. Or how about the days when there was actual food present in the house, even if it was just canned beans, that didn’t require you to estimate all the ways in which it could be a trap before touching it. Those days were pretty swell.

It's fine when Bro's focused on his own thing and Dave doesn't interfere, like right now. But any actual interaction with Bro is so goddamn tense. Hard for it not to be considering that shit may hit the fan at any time with the guy. Of course that’s exactly what he’s trying to teach you, but you’d appreciate a break every now and—

Without having noticed him shift you suddenly find Bro staring right back at you from behind his shades. Wait, what were you still staring at him for?

“What are you staring at me for,” he repeats your thoughts. God damn it.

“No reason,” you say flatly.

That was a wrong move. Bro closes his laptop to better stare you down. “Don’t lie to me.”

You hold up your hands. “No man I’m—“ Then you notice what you’re doing. The position of your hands. The fact that you’d been inadvertently moving your feet to the ground in case you need to bolt. “I uh…”

“If you’ve got something to say, don’t be a pussy and say it.”

You swallow. You’re not scared of him. Rose is wrong. You’re not. You can just talk to him and sort this shit out. “I was thinking about some things.”

“Things.”

“Yeah I, uh.” More than ever, you want to back out (read: flashstep the fuck away) from this conversation but now you have a point to prove. Damn it Rose. “Like about the food in the apartment…”

“What about it.”

Everything’s fine. You are going to play this cool. “Like, maybe for shits and giggles we could try using the fridge for its intended purpose for once? Just putting that out there. ”

“Hey, I'm not stopping you from using it.”

“The thing is a death trap, Bro,” you deadpan.

He laughs, taking it as a compliment. “I know. The shit’s wicked.”

“Bro, for real. I’m just saying, because…” _Because I have to alternate between three different supermarkets so the cashiers won’t get too suspicious. Because sometimes you’re not around for days, forget to leave money and I grow really tired of eating through my dwindling stock of shitty-ass cereal three meals a day._ “It’d be convenient,” you mumble.

His expression turns. You’re supposed to roll with the irony, not be a wimp about it. “This isn’t a hotel, you spoiled brat. Did ya forget where the supermarket is?”

“No, but—“

“Then stop bitching.” The finality of his tone shuts you up. And, ok, that answer sucked, but doesn't prove anything. The man loves his shitty swords, and it isn't like you can't work around that. Mostly.

"Anything else?”

You take a deep breath. You need to keep talking because otherwise you are never going to say it. "About the strifes. You think that just maybe… we could keep those to just some days of the week and not others?”

That one Bro doesn't find funny. In fact, he doesn’t react at all physically. Not that he’s usually very expressive, but that’s never a good sign. “Why,” he asks.

You avert your gaze. Just... get it over with. “Sometimes I don’t feel… I don’t always have time to be hit in the face with one so suddenly, you know? Like on Fridays, movie night with the idiot friends and all…”

“And you think that has a higher priority than staying on top of your game.”

The weight of his disappointment is crushing. “No that’s not—“

“Then what, Dave.”

_I just want to relax sometimes? Eat, sleep and pee in peace for at least some days of the week? At least give the scrapes a chance to heal before you carve me some new ones?_

You’re clenching your fists so hard that it hurts. Oh fuck. Shit. You can’t get upset now, you’ve already lost too many shards of your cool during this clusterfuck of a conversation and if you flip our shit now Bro will never let you live it down. Oh god. Come up with something less lame to say, you idiot.

Bro looks you over. “You’re acting fishy. More so than usual.” His eyes dart from you to your phone and back. “Who’ve you been talking to?”

Fuck fuck fuck. “Noone. I was just…” No. Time to abort mission. “You know what, never mind, forget I said anything.” You stand up to get the hell out of dodge but he’s quicker than you, catches you by the arm. Shit.

“Answer me.”

“It’s none of your business.” You lean your weight backward in an attempt to force him to let go. All its gets you is that he tightens his grip, fingers digging into your skin painfully.

“It sure as hell seems to be, if it gets you to start acting like a fucking crybaby.”

You make an effort to sound as indifferent as you can. “Who I was or wasn’t talking to is completely unrelated okay? I’m just having an off day.”

He doesn’t let go.

“Bro, lay off.”

He gives you a long, calculating look, making sure you know that he can keep you there as long as he likes, but then finally loosens his grip on your arm. You flashtep back into you room and shut the door all within one second.

You sit down on your bed but don’t relax a single muscle. Not until several minutes later when you are relatively sure Bro actually went back to work instead of coming after you to challenge you to a strife for being a lying little shit.

You don’t waste any time in changing the passwords of your computer, phone and pesterchum. Then you delete your past conversations with Rose to be on the safe side.

What were you even thinking.

 

  

***

  
  


 

When Bro leaves you a note (kunais it to your bedroom door) to strife that Friday evening your stomach drops. The day and time can’t be a coincidence, promising nothing good.

Of course he wouldn’t let you off that easily. But then again, this time you guess you deserve it. You should just… take it like a man, toughen up, and forget this entire disaster ever happened.

You are forced to explain how you are late to yet another movie night. How your webcam definitely seems to be broken again; yes, you have tried turning it off and on again.

And if it wasn’t a bitch of a night enough already, Rose is on your tail immediately.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: “sorry bro trashed me real good on the roof just now”   
TT: When John asked you why you didn’t attempt absconding you answered with “nah man he guards the door like a pitbull till hes done with me”.  
TT: If even John is skeptical you better believe something is up. The only person you seem to have fooled at this point is Jade. But then again that doesn’t say anything because she has so little knowledge of human interactions she might as well have been raised by a dog.  
TT: But please Dave, enlighten me as to how this sounds like yet another a perfectly healthy and acceptable thing for a guardian to do to their kid.  
TG: jesus rose again  
TG: can we not do this thing were you overanalyze every single little thing i do or say for one fucking minute  
TG: i can understand your concerns about wanting this strider face to stay all handsome for you but  
TG: ive already said all that there is to say on the matter  
TG: literally  
TT: How am I supposed to stand by and do nothing when you literally admit that your Bro is beating you?  
TG: oh my god is that what you think now  
TG: hes teaching me how to sword fight rose we have been through this  
TG: stop seeing things that arent there  
TG: i mean yeah it sucks sometimes but cant a guy complain without it being a federal fucking issue  
TT: How does “trashing you” accomplish this exactly.  
TG: he was teaching me a lesson  
TG: shut up  
TG: whatever youre thinking now shut up im not in the mood  
TG: just let me watch this goddamn movie in peace  
TT: Dave I have something to say that might be difficult to hear.  
TT: Have you ever considered that him beating you to a pulp when you have no option to back out and no real opportunity of coming out on top   
TT: even if you’re both holding swords  
TT: to an outsider could very well appear as child abuse?  
TG: well maybe  
TG: but then this outsider clearly doesnt know me nor my bro nor the reasons hes training me to be a child warrior and should try sticking her nose in someone elses business for a chance  
TG: how about you consider that  
TT: Do you know the reason?  
TG: no but my bro does  
TG: he knows what hes doing rose  
TT: Oh I’m sure he does.   
TT: Just like I am sure he has reasons for his failure to provide you with a safe home environment and sometimes even fails to provide you with food.  
TT: How can you not see that for the child neglect it blatantly is?  
TG: i told you i can take care of myself  
TG: i patch myself up after fights i know how to provide for myself with food  
TG: how are those bad outcomes  
TG: he made sure i was independent  
TT: Dave you are literally 13 years old.  
TG: so what  
TG: so are you it sure doesnt stop you from writing wizard smut  
TG: the world doesnt wait for us to grow up rose  
TG: stop bugging me about this  
TG: i mean it

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

 

 

***

 

 

Dealing with Bro’s bullshit was never easy but you’ve always been able to tough it out. As long as you don’t question it, it’s not that bad. 

Rose’s accusation is ridiculous. Insulting.

But you can’t stop dwelling on it. You’re reminded when a well-aimed kunai almost buries itself into your arm. You’re reminded when a kick in your stomach leaves you with a foot-shaped bruise. You’re reminded when he doesn’t go any easier on you even though it hurts to move.

If you are to stay sane you can’t let her mind games continue to fuck with your head. You have to deal with enough of those already.

You can’t afford to freak out about this.

 

 

 

***

 

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: So how come we haven’t noticed this before? We’ve been videochatting with you for a while now and according to you you have been striving for, and I quote, “basically since birth yo”. Plus you sometimes send us your selfies and you seem unharmed in those.  
TT: Although now that I think about it their terrible quality that you claim is ironic could definitely hide scars and such.  
TG: jesus are you going through my selfies/old convos now just looking if you can find support for your obsessive theory  
TG: what the fuck rose  
TG: not cool  
TT: Sorry about that. But regarding my question?  
TG: he usually doesnt go for the face i guess  
TG: gotta make sure this strider keeps his strider charm  
TT: So what your insinuating here is that he usually makes sure to only beat you in places others wouldn’t notice.  
TT: Others like teachers, friends, or maybe even let’s say, Child Protective Services?  
TG: jesus rose its not like that  
TG: hes not beating me god damn it  
TG: its training how many times am i gonna have to tell you  
TG: stop trying to spin my words around like this is a fucking interrogation  
TG: a yellow umbrella you say? but just now you claimed it was red  
TG: clearly this scumbag murdered his entire family the evidence is all there your honor i suggest putting this criminal in the slammer to rot away for a lifetime  
TT: Exactly how many scars do you have underneath?  
TG: …  
TG: a few  
TG: but damn it rose youre missing the point  
TT: I think the point is that you are trying to avoid even thinking about how your situation is, in the very least  
TT: “kind of messed up.”  
TT: I get that this might be a coping mechanism that has served you well for a long time. But it is something you need to break out of if you want to get help.  
TG: yeah right  
TG: its not like fucking cps is gonna go and do shit  
TG: if youre that easy to outsmart what are you even gonna do bro told me all about them and he was right theyre dumb idiots  
TT: Okay if I may.  
TT: Snarky bullshit aside and with no intent to spin your words at all. What you’re saying is that you have been in contact with CPS before and your Bro taught you how to mislead them.  
TT: And I am supposed not to worry about this somehow.  
TT: …  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --   
TT: Fuck.

  
  


You stand up and walk away from your computer, shaking with anger.

She just doesn’t know when to stop, does she?

A strong urge to break something overcomes you but you don’t want to mess with any of your carefully collected loot, so you end up yelling profanities at the crows down below.

You don’t even know whom you’re furious with. Rose for driving you fucking insane with her accusations? Or yourself for not telling her long ago to stick it, instead slowly feeding her more and more fuel? Or maybe Bro for making it so hard on you to defend the Strider way of life. Or maybe the birds. They don’t care for your tantrum in the slightest, instead choosing to stick around the roof below your window being awful motherfuckers as always. Yeah, definitely the birds.

For a while you just watch them with your forehead pressed against the top of the window frame.

  
  


TT: Dave please.  
TT: Don’t go like that, I think we’re onto something important here.  
TT: At least let me know if you are alright.  
TG: for the last time im fucking fine chill the fuck out  
TG: i was just grabbing a soda or some shit  
TT: If you say so.  
TT: Can you answer my initial question?  
TG: that depends  
TG: is it just gonna give you another reason to shit on my bro?  
TT: I wouldn’t have to if he didn’t turn out to be more of an terrible excuse for a human being every time you tell me more about him.  
TT: So were you in contact with CPS or not? And on what grounds?  
TG: yes on the grounds of i was sick of dealing with your crap  
TT: Dave…  
TT: Stop being obtuse. You know I’m just trying to help you.  
TG: are you really  
TG: cause i sure dont feel helped  
TG: for the past few weeks ive been feeling shittier than ever and you just keep making it worse and worse  
TT: Is it because my words have caused you to come to some uncomfortable realizations about your Bro?  
TG: jesus fucking christ no you self absorbed asshole  
TG: you know what im not even gonna defend myself here  
TG: because im sure youd find some way to turn it around and try talking me into something else  
TG: like whats next on the list  
TG: oh maybe he sexually abuses me as well  
TG: you would like that huh  
TT: I mean. There sure are signs that could be interpreted in that way.  
TT: Are you saying that he does?  
TG: holy shit  
TG: ok thats it   
TG: clearly you have your head so far up your ass that you only hear what you want to hear  
TG: and you know what lalonde  
TG: fuck off   
TG: what you need to get into that thick skull of yours is that its just a different way of life all right  
TG: one that youre clearly failing to grasp with your prissy upper class upbringing with a guardian that gifts you ponies for your birthday  
TG: my life isnt some episode in your favorite documentary about traumatized children being beaten with a belt every night by some evil stepfather  
TG: longing desperately for someone to finally step in and notice their tragic suffering  
TG: how about you go off and find some other victim to live out your long time fetish with of saving a tortured soul with your nonsense psychological mindfuckery  
TG: cause im done with you

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an illustrated-tm fic now. Surprise! For current returning readers, please take note that I retroactively illustrated chapter 1 and 2 as well.  
> That being said, this is the chapter where shit really starts going down. Prepare for more angst in the next ones, as well as for John and Jade returning to the scene.  
> I hope you guys are enjoying the story and of course, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

The next Friday, you don’t show up for movie night. Instead you draw a SBAHJ update and post it on your website which you know Rose receives update notifications for.

The comic ends in bloody death by helicopter blades. It’s not even that funny even though you keep referring to the helicopter as a whirlybird. Whatever.

 

***

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

EB: hi dave!  
EB: you weren’t there for the movie yesterday.  
EB: rose told us it was probably because you were mad at her.  
EB: but then she was all mysterious as to why you’d be?  
EB: so…  
EB: what is this all about??  
EB: wait you haven’t blocked me as well have you?  
EB: no then i couldn’t talk to you at all haha STUPID.  
EB: so uh.  
EB: tell me later i guess.  


\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

GG: dave!!!!  
GG: my melodrama senses are tingling and YOU seem to be the source!!  
GG: WAIT dont tell me yet  
GG: did rose insult your raps again?  
GG: did she make you cry by picking apart one of your weird dreams?  
GG: did you realize you were more of a dog person and now you are tired of talking circles around her because she keeps bringing it up trying to convince you otherwise??? >:0  
GG: ok phew im fresh out of ideas  
GG: you can tell me now!!!  
GG: …………  
GG: dave?  


\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

***

 

Days pass in which you ignore your friends. Rose, still blocked, can go fuck herself. John and Jade deserve better, but talking to them would mean having to answer their questions, and you can’t deal with any more of those.

All you need is some time to get your head straight. At least that’s what you tell yourself, even when you only feel angrier and emptier as the days drag out.

You attempt to avoid Bro as well, but of course he doesn’t let you.

 

***

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

GG: yoooo!!  
GG: sup my coolest brah?  
GG: hehehe  
GG: anyway you have no idea wat bec just came home with  
GG: it is toooooootally cool even though youll probably say that i should get rid of that devil dog again  
GG: hmmmmmm :l  


\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

***

 

One evening, when you are rifling through the kitchen cupboards for something to eat, one of them explodes. The sizzling of a fuse tips you off. Any other person might have, driven by mild concern, searched for the origin of the suspicious sound. Not you. You jerk your head backwards violently just as the deafening bang reaches your eardrums. A firework rocket bursts from the cupboard and screeches past, an inch from your nose, before crashing straight into the ceiling with a second boom. 

The force of the blast has you stumbling backwards. Your feet trip over something—Little Cal, when did he get here?— landing you hard on your ass on the other side of the room. 

You put enough distance between you and the firework’s impact to be safe from its aftermath of fiery ashes and sparks now raining down from above. You sit there, frozen in place, until it becomes clear that none of them is going to set off the powder keg worth of fireworks holed up in the sink.

You try to stand up only to realize you hadn’t been breathing. You press your head against your knees and try to calm down. Fuck. The small puffs of air that you manage to suck in are not enough. You dig your fingers into your hair which does absolutely nothing to help your bitch-ass lungs. What the hell? Other than the stray sparks that burned your hand during the rocket’s take-off you are completely fine. Bro pulls stunts like these all the time. By no means should this one affect you so much, close call or not. 

Except it clearly does. You are shaking like an old lady being held at gunpoint. The ringing in your ears is so loud that the firework might as well have still been going. Still too little oxygen—is it possible to choke and die on nothing? Fuck, fuck, fuck, no, get yourself together. This is no time for having theatrical breakdowns. What if Bro is filming on you? What if he’s still around?

When you look up Lil Cal is watching you from the kitchen counter. It gets you up faster than should be possible given your anaerobic state. You haul ass back towards your room to freak out over what just happened in peace.

 

***

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

EB: hey.  
EB: ……  
EB: ……………………  
EB: oh COME on.  
EB: i can see you are online.  
EB: just.  
EB: where are you man?  


\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

***

 

After the fireworks incident, you stop venturing out of your room to hunt for food. Unfortunately it doesn’t stop you from freaking out about nothing from time to time, especially during or after strifes for some reason, but at least you feel a little bit more in control of it now. You only eat from your own stash, or when Bro actually remembers to order takeaway, or thanks to the miraculous invention that is school lunches. 

You don’t pick the habit back up even after your food stash starts running dry. 

You’ve done this before, in a futile attempt to avoid his surprise attacks. And every time, when you’d reach a certain point of hunger that makes you consider the edibility of paper, you’d give in.

Except this time you don’t. 

You don’t know why.

Or maybe, as Rose would probably tell you if the two of you were still talking, you don’t want to think about why.

 

***

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

GG: ok dave PLEASE get your head out of your ass and make up with rose already!!!  
GG: she CLEARLY wants to talk to you  
GG: but is unable to because you are being a HUGE BUTT!!!!  


\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! –

GG: :(

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

***

 

The hunger and your brain consistently being on the verge off a freak out don’t do you any favors in battle. You are late to react. You take risks that you really shouldn’t. It results in you being handed some of the worst smackdowns in the history of smackdowns.

If Bro notices, he seems to be cool about it. Cool in the sense that he doesn’t seem to care at all. Once or twice when he notices your sword shake during strife, or your breathing go erratic, he tells you to stop being a pussy and keeps going. Maybe he thinks that your weakness of mind will fly past with enough rigorous training, because he sure as hell doesn’t hold back on that. 

You now sport bloody noses and bruised ribs on an almost daily basis. What is left of your mental energy you spend on figuring new ways of weaseling out of questions and stares you are getting at school.

You hate the thought that if anyone truly saw you now, they would side with Rose's conclusion.

You hate how sometimes you’re not even sure of the counterargument yourself anymore.

Although most of the time, for better or for worse, you can't bring yourself to truly care. You're so tired. 

 

***

 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

EB: can we please stop doing the no talking thing.  
EB: it has been going on for weeks now  
EB: i don’t get it :(  
EB: like what is going on with you?  
EB: does it have something to do with you and your bro?  
EB: cause it seems to me like the two of you have been butting heads more than usual lately…  


\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! –

EB: aaaaalright maybe not that then uh.  
EB: is it because all the jokes rose makes about you being a homosexual?  
EB: or are you actually a homosexual and that’s why it bothers you so much?   
EB: in that case you should just say so because we wouldn’t judge you for being a little weird you know!   
EB: UUGH that came out wrong. i didn’t mean that it’s weird, just… different? i guess? definitely not something to make fun of. i’d ask rose to shut her flighty trap about it right away.  
EB: hell i'd even stop making jokes about it myself!  
TG: for the love of god john  
TG: i cant watch this anymore   
TG: you may lay down the lgtb ally rainbow flag youre aggressively waving at my face  
TG: im not gay  
TG: why does everyone always assume that  
EB: okay sorry!!! jeez.  
TG: anyway is that what roses been telling you behind my back  
TG: i cant believe this  
EB: what? no she hasn’t.  
EB: in fact she hasn’t told me ANYTHING!  
EB: no one does! rose says she can’t talk about it. you aren’t talking at all.  
EB: even jade is more in the loop than i am! because even though she is upset at least she seems know for some spooky psychic bullshit reason that you will start talking on your own at some point.  
EB: but me.  
EB: im grasping at straws here trying to figure out why two of my best friends suddenly can’t STAND each other.  
EB: and why you can’t stand any of us either, apparently.   
EB: i thought we were friends dave.  
TG: oh  
TG: oh shit john  
TG: fuck man im sorry i didnt mean to fly off the handle on you like that  
TG: and uh  
TG: ignore you  
TG: like that wasnt part of the plan either  
TG: not like i did it because i have some kind of hella secretive grudge against all of you or something  
EB: okay…  
TG: look man know that might have seemed like it  
TG: but whatever this shitstorm is its between rose and me  
EB: well, alright. i guess i accept your apology.  
EB: if only because i really want to hang out with you again.  
EB: still… what even happened between you two to mess things up so badly?  
TG: look its not important  
EB: okay so CLEARLY that’s a lie.  
TG: ok yeah maybe it is but id just rather not go down that abyss of idiocy right now  
TG: she was being a huge bitch about something now i dont want to talk to her end of story  
EB: FINE i’ll drop it. for now.  
TG: thanks  
EB: so are you going to show up for movie nights again at least?  
TG: not if rose is there  
EB: :(  
TG: sorry i cant deal with her right now  
EB: it’s just not the same without you!  
EB: roses crazy tangents just get so depressing without you to match up with something equally wordy which indirectly makes fun of her bullshit spewing.   
EB: jade tries to make up for it by being extra over the top cheerful but you can tell her heart isn’t in it.  
TG: ouch  
TG: that sounds kind of awkward  
EB: that’s because IT IS!  
TG: but nothing i can do about that for now  
EB: *SIGH*  
EB: fine then sulk for a little longer.  
EB: will you at least watch a movie with me?  
TG: right now?  
EB: uuuhm yes?  
TG: hell yeah i thought youd never ask  
TG: but uh  
EB: dont worry you even have to show your stupid face if you don’t feel like it! we can just chat.  
TG: yeah thanks  
EB: i’ll go as far as to pretend to picture you are this good-looking muscular dude you always go on about.  
EB: although for your information, to me that would be McConaughey.  
TG: oh god gross john  
TG: now all im gonna think about is you creepily fantasizing about his face every minute of the movie  
EB: hehehe  
TG: oh my god that was your plan all along wasnt it  
EB: hehehehehehe  


 

***

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TG: so i heard your spooky powers were at it again predicting my future and shit  
TG: btw do you actually have spooky powers or is this just a ploy to get me to talk to rose?  
GG: that depends!  
GG: do you feel compelled to go through with it now that it is written in your magical destiny???  
GG: because in that case the first option is a definite possibility!  
TG: well  
TG: before i answer that i need to know are we talking the good or the bad kind of destiny here?  
TG: like is it the good kind in which ill find out i have magical powers get to wear a cape and have this adorable sidekick follow me around?  
TG: or the bad kind oedipus level of bullshit in which ill kill my dad and marry my mom neither of which i knew i had beforehand  
TG: cause that would be kind of a deal breaker no matter how hot my mom turned out to be  
GG: dave you big drama queen……  
GG: the good kind of course!  
GG: my powers are benevolent  
TG: ok  
TG: youre not messing with me arent you  
GG: maybe!!! >:0  
TG: haha  
TG: look whos being all cool and mysterious now  
TG: i gotta step up my game else this frizzy haired dog lady might take my place as the sole reigning champion of cool  
GG: pssssh you dont have to worry silly!!  
GG: i could never be as cool as you youre like the PRESIDENT of cool!  
TG: aw jade  
TG: you may have just moved my stone cold manly heart by an inch  
GG: hehe :p  
GG: i missed you too you doofus <3  
GG: but  
GG: NEVER  
GG: do this to me again :(  
TG: fuck  
TG: i wont i swear  
GG: neither to john  
GG: ESPECIALLY not to john you hurt him worse than you probably realize  
TG: yeah  
TG: yeah im sorry about all that ill try to do better  
GG: its fine i forgive you dave just dont do it again!  
GG: soooooooo does this mean ive convinced you to go make up with rose? :D  
TG: hell no  
GG: oh………  
GG: are you going to do it later?  
TG: do i have to  
GG: dave its best not to go against my spooky powers!  
GG: that i may or may not have!  
TG: didnt you just say they were benevolent  
TG: this seems contradictory   
GG: …………  
GG: …………  
GG: ………… busted  
GG: but really dave i believe it would be for the best!  
GG: if you tell me what happened maybe i can help?  
TG: id rather not go into detail  
GG: vague summaries are permitted!  
TG: …  
TG: fuck it why not  
TG: theres this thing down in my life right now that can be hard to deal with  
TG: and rose picked up on that and tried prying it out of me  
TG: but in that way that she does like this is was a game to her cracking me for all my secrets  
GG: oh no!!  
GG: that sounds pretty mean of her  
GG: should i pummel some sense into her  
GG: or at least give her a STERN talking to >:(  
TG: no its  
TG: the thing is some of the stuff she said kind of hit close to home  
TG: like shes probably saying all that shit because she cares or whatever  
TG: she just really overstepped i guess which only makes the thing harder to deal with  
GG: oh no  
GG: dave are you ok??  
TG: look ive been  
TG: …  
TG: not great   
TG: but i really dont want to get into that right now  
TG: i have to get going soon anyway so  
GG: thats fine you can just tell me when you feel ready!  
GG: but will you at least think about talking to rose again soon?  
GG: even if she was mean to you i think you should give her a chance to explain herself!!  
TG: im not sure jade  
TG: but i guess ill consider it  
GG: thats all i ask!  
GG: ill look forward to having the four of us together again next movie night <3   
TG: yeah  
TG: wait what  
TG: what does that mean i didnt even say for sure i would even talk to her   


\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 

***

 

In the next few days you reconnect with John and Jade. They make jokes and laugh at yours. They allow you to complain about your Bro’s antics and complain about their guardians in return. It’s familiar. It’s confortable. You can’t believe that you thought cutting them out of your live, even temporarily, was a good idea.

But then you always have to go back into reality, which isn’t as confortable. No matter how much you try to ignore it. You are so hungry and tense now every single day and Bro still doesn’t do anything about it.

Not a single thing.

The question why eats at you from the inside out. You wish you had someone to talk to about it, but the only person who even remotely knows what’s going on is Rose.

Well. No time like the present to sell your soul. You halfway promised Jade anyway.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] unblocked tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: hey rose  
TG: sup  
TG: me? yeah i havent been so hot  
TG: some shit going down with bro  
TG: …  
TG: ok so i know youre reading this  
TG: theres no way you wouldnt with your overwhelming attraction to the dramatic  
TG: and lets not forget your hard on for being right about things  
TG: so where are all these snarky lalonde remarks and i told you sos i have been hyping myself up for all these days?  
TT: I’d rather not go that route.  
TT: I was getting tired of us not talking so if anything I’d like to refrain from doing anything that might get me blocked again.  
TG: oh thank god  
TG: me too  
TT: Alright.  


\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! –

TT: Dave?  
TG: oh sorry  
TG: im still here im just   
TG: uh  
TT: Oh, good.  
TG: god this is awkward  
TT: An astute observation.  
TG: i mean  
TG: do we ever even talk in sentences this short  
TG: whats up with that  
TT: Anyone reading this conversation might be inclined to think that the only thing that could have happened to us is that something incomprehensible stole our true selves away. Leaving us here as just the shell of our former selves while our souls are left screaming for all eternity into a void that is so suffocatingly thick that even the Gods, would they have cared, could not have heard us.  
TG: is that a horrorterror trope you just described  
TG: in purposefully long sentences  
TT: Why yes, it is.  
TG: haha thats fucked up rose  
TG: …  
TG: alright so i guess youre waiting for some kind of explanation from my side  
TG: which is fair i suppose because i was the one ignoring you for like two weeks without an explanation  
TG: well any more explanation than just snapping at you and blowing you off  
TG: which is a pretty shitty move considering we talked almost every day before  
TG: but then i even went the full asshole route and dragged john and jade down with us in this ocean of nonsense melodrama  
TT: Four weeks.  
TG: huh?  
TT: We haven’t been talking for four weeks.  
TG: oh damn  
TG: jesus i am such an asshole  
TG: i mean what the fuck its like i walked straight past asinine to skyrocket my sorry ass into the stars past the gods of asininity  
TG: they wouldnt care either but at least theyd watch me like  
TG: wow look at that asshole go  
TT: Dave, although entertaining, please stop whatever you’re typing now to add to that uncharacteristically self-deprecating escalation that is that is that metaphor and allow me to say something.  
TG: yeah ok  
TT: It is I who should be apologizing.  
TT: I shouldn’t have been surprised when you told me to can it after years of insincerity and trying to psychoanalyze your brains out for fun  
TT: and then when you really tried to get me to lay off all I did was push more and more.   
TT: You were right in that I was so caught up in my own vision of how this would play out that I didn’t even consider how you’d react to me just  
TT: “dropping it like its hot”  
TT: as you would describe it,  
TT: instead of being there for you as a friend.  
TT: Therefore I am the one who should apologize.  
TT: Sorry.  
TG: ok so  
TG: im not gonna try acting all coy like you have nothing to apologize for   
TG: because that’s just not true  
TG: you were freaking me the fuck out  
TG: and yes maybe that implies that you were right about some things  
TG: but only some things dont you fucking dare quote me on this  
TG: anyway i had crossed that line of stubbornness where id rather cut off my own arm than admit you were right about the color of the sky  
TG: so maybe this can be the moment that we mutually agree that we are both enormous socially inept asswad excuses for human beings and put that behind us.  
TT: Agreed.  
TG: ok good  
TG: anyway i hate to cut short this tear jerking reunion here but i sort of need to go do something now  
TT: Alright.  
TT: Speak you later?  
TG: yeah  


\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

There isn’t shit all that you need to do right now. You know it and you are pretty sure she knows it too. You hope this can be just one of those things that you silently agree to never acknowledge in any way whatsoever.

It is kind of pathetic that you’re afraid of talking to her for longer than five minutes but whatever. You’re trying here. You can ask her about it later.

 

***

 

The next movie night you surprise John just by showing up. Jade isn’t surprised (figures) but the sheer happiness that leaks out the both of them already convinces you making up with Rose was worth it. 

What follows however is a severely awkward moment in which the two of them vigorously attempt to get you and Rose to explain. The two of you haven’t even talked that far yourselves yet, sticking to small talk only, even though you can tell it has been wearing on Rose’s patience endlessly. You are surprised that, rather than throwing you under the bus now, she actually helps you pull off the legendary amount of bullshit needed to evade having to answer anything. 

Maybe you should give her some more credit. She kept your situation to herself for all these weeks even if Jade and John had probably been nagging at her about it constantly.

But then that moment passes and is replaced with a large serving of terrible movie that has the four of you falling back into your old dynamics of idiotic banter and friendly jabs sooner than you’d believed possible. 

You and Rose still give each other a wide berth for the most part. Your jabs are somewhat lackluster, falling flat halfway through more than once. You guess that is something that may need a bit more than one heartfelt round of apologies to repair.

Nonetheless, you feel yourself relaxing for what is probably the first time in weeks.

 

***

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \-- 

TT: Hello, Dave.  
TT: When we first started talking again earlier this week it seemed like you initiated the conversation because you had some issues weighing on your mind.  
TT: I just wanted to make sure… I mean, how have you been holding up?  
TG: haha i knew it  
TG: you can act like you dont care all week but secretly you are dying to know whats going on with bro arent you  
TT: It was never my intention to come across as non-caring. I was just trying to give you space.  
TG: the great all knowing lalonde giving space?  
TG: is this some kind of new therapy technique you havent told me about yet?  
TG: at least make sure its evidence based  
TG: unless im like the first subject then i guess you gotta start somewhere  
TT: Listen Dave, if you don’t want to talk about it, you can just say so.  
TT: I won't pretend that I'm not curious, but I'd step off.  
TT: I just wanted to give you the opportunity.  
TG: nah im just messing with you now  
TG: that thing about habits being hard to kill off right  
TG: and maybe   
TG: maybe also cause this is kind of an uncool subject to talk about  
TT: I get it.  
TT: Take your time.  
TT: On my part, I’ll try to not get carried away with analyzing what you’re saying, if that’s what you’re worried about.  


 

You take a deep breath. She’s right, this was originally what you wanted to talk to her about. And here she is, offering to listen.

No need to be an ass about it.

 

TG: uh  
TG: where to even start   
TG: bro has just been more of a dick than usual i guess  
TT: More of a dick how?  
TG: well i mean  
TG: tbh he has been more or less normal  
TG: thats the thing i guess it started with me  
TG: i had to be difficult about his stupid traps  
TG: had to keep having these fucking moments  
TT: Moments?  
TG: idk its stupid  
TG: i should get over it really  
TT: If it’s any comfort, I’ll promise not to make fun of you for it.  
TT: Not even indirectly.  
TG: yeah ok just  
TG: im not really sure how to describe it  
TG: theyre like temporary moments of weakness  
TG: something sets me off and for no reason i just freak out so bad  
TG: and i cant fucking  
TG: breathe  
TT: That… seems like it sucks big time.  
TG: jesus it does  
TT: If you’ll allow me to take a guess, I’d say what you’re describing sounds very indicative of some kind of panic attack.  
TG: yeah panic whatever you wanna call it  
TG: but you know it shouldnt matter  
TG: like i would get over this ive dealt with insane shit before  
TG: but bro has had like zero chill lately  
TG: he refuses to slow down for my sorry ass to stop being a huge baby  
TG: or  
TG: even acknowledge it really  
TG: neither does he acknowledge that i havent been eating   
TG: unless kicking my ass extra hard during strifes now that im less able to defend myself counts as acknowledging  
TT: Jesus…  
TG: no wait forget i said that  
TT: I’m afraid I won’t be able to, but I’ll pretend I have for the sake of keeping this conversation civil.  
TT: Can’t you avoid what’s causing you the panic in the first place?  
TG: avoid bro you mean?  
TT: Well.  
TT: Your words, not mine.  
TG: i mean  
TG: ive been avoiding his bullshit traps lately  
TG: although thats kinda part of the problem now  
TT: Is that what you meant about not eating?  
TT: Because that’s just rather worrying.  
TG: yeah  
TG: yeah i know is not like imma keep it up forever tho dont worry  
TG: anyway and ofc theres stifes cant skip those  
TT: Have you tried?  
TG: ha  
TG: when i was younger i sure tried  
TG: enough to know that i sure am not skipping strifes no more  
TG: ever  
TT: Should I even ask?  
TG: probably not  
TG: no really dont  
TT: …  
TG: listen rose its not important  
TG: i just want things to go back to normal  
TG: when i could just go into the apartment hang out grab some food without being moments away from a freaking out as if id just fallen into a pit of snakes   
TT: Were things ever normal though?  
TT: From what you’ve told me before you’ve always been super tense about all those surprise attacks.  
TT: Your current reaction is probably just the result of years and years of repetition of exactly that.  
TT: Just because you were dealing with it better back then didn’t make the abuse that he was putting you through any less damaging. Or any less wrong for that matter.  
TG: rose its not  
TG: look i get that hes pulling some shit that really no great that has led you to believe that  
TG: because hes super aloof and tends to be really hard on me   
TG: with the training and putting me in dangerous situations and all  
TG: believe me im not a fan either it sure aint helping with my current  
TG: issues  
TG: but its just his way of protecting me by trying to make me tough enough to face the world  
TT: “Protect you” ? By hurting and scaring you to the point of panic attacks?  
TG: fuck  
TG: yeah ok ill admit that his approach turned out a lil counterproductive alright?  
TG: but knowing him he doesnt even notice what its doing to me  
TG: im sure  
TG: probably  
TT: Are you even convinced yourself anymore?  
TT: Seems to me like even you are beginning to grasp just how shallow these justifications are. Yet you insist on clinging to them.  
TG: hey how about we dont have this discussion again  
TT: No, I think we should.  
TG: k rose   
TG: thats enough im pulling down the curtains for psychoanalysis today  
TG: the shop is closing  
TG: please contact us again at office hours striders are not the type of pushovers to work overtime  
TG: unless youre here for high quality raps because thats a 24 7 business  
TT: I… Alright.  
TT: Thanks for being clear about your boundaries.  
TT: I might take you up on that offer though.  
TT: Have you ever written a rap about the zoologically dubious?  
TG: no but wanna see me try butcher the genre?  
TT: Hell yes.  


 

You realize that you really missed Rose as well. It’s nice to have her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter in which things start to get better, before they get infinitely worse :')
> 
> This chapter was origianlly meant to be longer, but its word count had surpassed all of the first three chapters combined so I decided to cut it in two. Unfortunately all three illustrations I drew turned out to be in the second half so... sorry about that!
> 
> Anyway thanks for sticking with me! Also a big thank you to all the nice people who have left comments on the last chapters, it is always a joy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, this chapter is where the graphic in graphic depictions of violence really come into play.

In the end, Bro is forced to acknowledge your eating problem when you straight up faint during a strife.

On schooldays your hunger is manageable. One of the lunch ladies keeps heaping up your plate extra high whenever she spots you. In another lifetime, you might have been bothered by the pitying look that accompanies her handing you the food. But at this point they’re the only meals you are reliably getting a day, so you wolf them down without complaint.

Today, however, is a Saturday. You saved your last bag of Cheetos for Sunday, meaning that you haven’t eaten anything all day when he orders you upstairs.

You never claimed this not-leaving-your-room-for-food plan was a good idea in the long run. In your defense, you never thought it would run this long.

You feel lightheaded just ascending the stairs, to the point that you are forced to pause halfway to steady your cartoonishly wobbly legs. The sensation continues all throughout the strife. Performing clean dodges and flash steps proves to be stupidly hard when even just standing on your feet takes a monumental effort. You push through, though, knowing better than to claim illness as an excuse to get out early.

After half an hour of bro wiping the floor with you it happens. One moment you are parrying a strike and the next thing you remember is falling to the floor like some Japanese schoolgirl.

 

 

***

 

When you wake up, you notice three things. First, you notice the right side of your body stinging like a bitch. Apparently Bro failed to heroically catch you hit the ground like in the animes, shame on him, but to be expected. He also didn’t skewer you the moment you lost consciousness so you guess beggars can’t be choosers. Two, you notice that you’re in your bed, which IS odd. Did he… carry you down here? You open your eyes and—

Three, Bro is still there in the room with you. Oh fuck.

He is lounging in your computer chair with his phone out. When your eyes meet—wait where are your shades?— he drags the chair closer to your bed and plops his ass back down on it. Before you are fully able to register what’s going on, he hoists you up by the front of your shirt. You flinch when his other hand comes around, your elbow shooting up to protect your face (too slowly, of course, you’re not even fully awake yet, what the hell) but all he does is… point?

 

 

“Care to explain this?”

You force yourself to lower your arm and hope Bro doesn’t pick up on your stupidly rapid breathing. Right, okay, you are overreacting, nothing is going down just yet. Calm down.

Your eyes follow his finger to the exposed skin from where your shirt is hiked up. For a moment you think he’s pointing at the bruises, but that wouldn’t make sense. No, he’s pointing at your ribs. Your ribs, which are… far more discernable than they have any right being.

You have no idea why you pick that moment to be a little shit—are you TRYING to set him off?—but you do. “That'd be my stomach. Maybe you’ll even find a fabled nipple if you go slightly higher.”

Bro’s expression is wholly unamused, annoyed even, but he does drop his grasp on your shirt. Your head lands back into the pillows and he yanks your shirt back down for good measure. He then leans back and crosses his arms.

“Can the bullshit. You pass out. I pick you up and you weigh as much as a goddamn toddler. Haven’t you been eating or something?”

“Geez, I wonder.” Despite just being told off, you hear anger rising in your voice, as if it’s been building there for a long time. “How would you come to that conclusion, given that I haven’t touched any of the food or money in the apartment for weeks?”

Bro holds up his hands. “Jesus, I just figured you were eating someplace else.”

So he noticed? He noticed and didn’t… “When? I always come straight home from school!”

“Fuck if I know. What do you expect me to do, watch you eat?”

“What do I expect— Well here’s a suggestion, maybe I would still be eating if the kitchen didn’t explode in my face every other day!”

“Are we back to this again? Don’t be such a wimp and get over it.”

“But…”

“And stop trying to pin this on me. I ain’t the one who decided to go all anorexic like some an attention-starved bitch.”

You open your mouth to argue, because what the fuck, but close it again before the first sound leaves your throat. Because although you are pretty sure the stunt you’re pulling wouldn't count as anorexia, can you really deny that this was a plea for attention? Wasn’t that subconsciously a big part of the reason you were doing this, to see if he’d intervene?

God, you’re like a baby crying fake tears just to get its mother’s attention. You avert your eyes, your face burning with shame.

“Nothing to say for yourself?”

You don’t answer, keeping your gaze fixed on the wall to the right of you.

He sighs deeply, frustrated with your lack of response.

“How do you think you’re gonna build muscle if you’re not eating?”

Of course, that’s what he would care about. You shrug, which continues to piss him off, because nothing pisses him off more than you downplaying the importance of your training.

He pulls you up to face him by the collar of your shirt and this time, it is a threat. You gasp. “Listen up you little shit. I don’t care about whatever sissy teenage phase that you think you might be going through, but this?” he stabs a finger at your ribs again, painfully so, “This won’t fly here, understood?”

“Or what?”

The words hardly left your mouth before he smacks you across the face, whipping your head to the right. Years of training in the act of keeping your cool keep the prickles you feel in the corners of your eyes from forming into tears.

“Understood?” he repeats.

You blink back at him, note how his free hand is still hovering in the air. You nod.

He releases his hold on your shirt. You move your hand to rub at your cheek.

You hear him swear under his breath. You’re beginning to get the idea that he has no idea what to do with you either. He finally gets out his wallet and presses a twenty in your palm (holy shit that is a lot money) and tells you to go feed yourself. Your mouth waters as you mentally calculate how much food twenty bucks will buy you.

He stands up. “Don’t pull this shit again,” he says. And then he’s out.

You rustle the paper twenty between your fingertips thoughtfully for a while. Handing you money for free was… uncharacteristically benevolent of Bro. He might have also threatened you with violence to start eating again, but you guess those are the only ways a cool guy like him could show affection. And that’s good, right? Wasn’t that what you wanted?

But then why do you still feel so conflicted?

Why can’t you shake the question of whether he would have noticed you starving if it hadn’t hindered you from strifing?

The question of whether he would have cared?

And whether it was really necessary for him to hit you?

If you would’ve possessed the Lalondian determination for passive-aggressive bullshit, you’d not use the bill out of spite, instead folding it into an origami apple and giving it back to Bro. But you’re so goddamn tired of being hungry. And you should probably not continue to anger him on purpose. So instead you search for your shades and shoes and take the money straight to the supermarket.

You buy yourself lunch (breakfast? early dinner?) and devour it one foot outside of the supermarket like an animal. It takes you a moment to realize that the cashier was looking at you funny because of the red mark on your cheek. You return home on a full stomach, but with your head just as empty of answers as it was before.

 

 

***

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: okay rose bear with me here  
TG: what if i came to you and asked you a hypothetical question  
TG: would you be willing to pretend that this hypothetical question has no bearing on reality whatsoever like hypotheticals usually end up doing  
TT: You are asking, hypothetically, if I would pretend not to ponder the roots of yet another hypothetical inquiry that you are presumably yet to ask. I’d say that this in no way convoluted semantic nightmare seems like the most logical and therefore agreeable course of action.  
TG: okay sweet so this is how it goes  
TG: imagine a fake imaginary world in which there is a dave  
TG: and he has this older brother slash guardian figure whos a pretty cool guy right  
TT: Right…  
TG: the thing is though  
TG: his bro tends to be rather harsh on him during swordfighting training  
TG: and sometimes he hits his lil bro not even under the guise of training just cause hes angry   
TG: lets say thats a thing that he did just now  
TT: Shit. Are you…  
TT: I mean. Go on.  
TG: and like i get that thats a messed up thing to do right  
TG: like a lot of things he does are probably messed up but shit like this probably takes the cake   
TG: but still how could you call that abusive  
TG: when a moment later he also sticks out his neck to help dave  
TG: and he kinda had a really good reason to be angry in the first place probably for the good of the lil bro  
TG: so clearly his bro cares a lot  
TG: i guess what im asking is how can those two mutually exist?  
TG: because i still cant wrap my head around that  
TG: hypothetically speaking that is  
TT: Of course.  
TT: Well, first off. Can you really say that his Bro had a good reason to be angry?  
TT: Because honestly I’m doubting the existence of an excuse good enough to warrant violence in a situation like this.  
TG: well lets just say dave wasnt eating for stupid reasons  
TG: and his bro was trying to put a stop to that  
TG: thats a good reason right  
TT: Still… by hitting him?   
TG: yeah well i guess the hitting was only because dave decided to be annoying afterwards  
TG: so i guess he was just pissed  
TG: how is this important  
TT: I’m just saying if that argument falls apart so easily, how can this dave be so sure that his Bro did it because he cares for him? That his Bro cares for him in general?  
TG: of course he does  
TG: hes my bro  
TG: the other daves bro not mine haha clearly  
TT: Family doesn’t always… work the way it’s supposed to. One does not ensure the other, sadly enough.  
TG: yeah true  
TG: but in that case i just dont get it  
TG: why would he go through so much trouble raising someone otherwise? you wouldnt do that if you hated someone  
TT: Well that “trouble” is really just some basic stuff that’s expected of you in the first place as a kid’s guardian.  
TT: It doesn’t say shit, honestly.  
TG: still  
TT: I guess what he’d have to ask himself is, at what point do the cons outweigh the pros?  
TT: If this was just a one-time thing I’d view it differently than if it happens systematically.  
TG: idk man  
TG: all depends on where you draw the line right  
TG: how can you ever really know  
TT: The fact that you have to doubt that is probably a bad sign in its own right.  
TG: ah  
TG: i guess  
TT: Even if he did care for him though, abuse doesn’t necessarily mean someone hates you.  
TT: Someone who cares for you can still hurt you.  
TT: Maybe especially them.  
TT: Dave?  
TG: hey how about we call this conversation a day then and disregard that daves scenario as the fantasy that it is  
TT: Can I say one thing though before we do that?  
TT: Now that this scenario is still fresh in our minds.  
TG: if you must  
TT: Alright.  
TT: I’m not sure about the current situation this hypothetical Dave is in, nor do I presume to know.   
TT: But if he ever felt like he needed to get out of there because things were getting to hot to handle,  
TT: and was looking a place to stay,  
TT: I’d say yes, no questions asked.  
TG: ok

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: thanks  
TT: Don’t mention it.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

 

***

 

The money lasts you for about a week. After that nothing changes and you guess you have to go back to risking your ass and sanity in the appartment again.

You don’t know why you expected anything else.

Guess that’s that, then. You’ve had your tantrum. Now all that rests you, as Bro said, is to get over yourself.

Your fingers tremble like nobody’s business but you manage simple acts like opening cupboards and searching his stuff for money.

When literally nothing happens to you for the first five days you are very close to believing that Bro actually feels guilty about the whole thing and is going easy on you after all. In hindsight he was probably hoping just messing with your expectations, fucking classic, because on day six he pulls out big. A trap sets off literally all the fireworks in the sink and about a thousand smuppets come flying your way. You’d appreciate his dedication to fucking with you to the point that he’s willing to risk burning the place down if you weren’t freaking out so bad about the noise and the movement and the fact that you almost lost fingers in an explosion again.

You drop the cereal that was in your hands and make a break for your room.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: rose  
TG: fuck  
TG: i cant do this  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Are you okay?  
TG: peachy  
TG: what do you THINK?  
TG: you turd  
TT: From what I’m gathering here you’re definitely not okay. Otherwise you’d never be caught alive letting an insult that weak leave your mouth.  
TG: i cant breathe you fuck  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Shit.  
TT: Didn’t mean to burn your burning game while you are in the middle of having an episode.  
TG: oh my god  
TG: did you really just  
TT: Shit, my bad. Again.  
TT: I wasn’t prepared for this at all, it seems, and now I am flubbing. Terribly.  
TG: god  
TG: and people think youre the tactful one  
TG: i cant believe i live in a world where john once told me he thinks you speak gracefully  
TT: He does?  
TT: No, wait, scratch that. Let me start over.  
TT: What’s going on?  
TG: told you  
TG: im not breathing right  
TT: Are you hurt?  
TG: no  
TG: but its been like ten minutes   
TG: why do i still feel like im dying  
TT: Okay.  
TT: First off, try to calm down.  
TG: what you think i havent thought of that  
TT: Well, keep trying.  
TG: such a help  
TT: Maybe focus on just breathing for now?  
TG: fine  
TT: It’s okay if it takes you a while.  
TT: You’re not going to die.  
TG: yeah alright  
TT: …  
TT: Dave?  
TG: still trying  
TT: That’s good.  
TT: …  
TT: It’s at moments like these that I wish I had some actual experience in the field of psychology.  
TT: For all my posturing my actual knowledge of the field roughly equals jack shit.  
TG: not that i dont love that youre admitting to that but  
TG: youre like 13 years old  
TT: Yeah, well. Still would be nice.  
TT: What I can claim is that I’m rather well-versed in some very specific subfields of it.  
TT: If you consider diligently digging through Wikipedia articles to be a valid method of study.  
TT: And if you consider Freudian dream analysis and horrorterror hallucinations to be valid subfields of psychology.  
TG: heh  
TT: Maybe I should consider a career in exorcism instead.  
TG: are you sure  
TG: feel like youd be more interested in summoning the demons that banishing them  
TT: Probably.  
TT: How are you doing over there?  
TG: feeling slightly better  
TG: i guess  
TT: Would you get worse again if I ask you what caused this?  
TG: no you can ask  
TT: Did Bro…?  
TG: well not yet but he will  
TG: shit was exploding in the kitchen again   
TG: and it just set me off so bad  
TG: and now i didnt eat dinner and when bro gets here hes gonna be so pissed that im skipping food again  
TT: Even though the only reason you’re doing that is because he keeps rigging the kitchen?  
TG: thats the point  
TG: im expected to be able to deal with this shit not let it bother me  
TG: its a strider thing  
TT: Not to encourage your lack of eating but… Maybe for this one time won’t notice?  
TG: he will  
TG: he must have been around  
TG: else there were at least cameras  
TG: he joked about not making him watch me eat but i bet i means thats exactly what hes doing  
TT: I really have no other way to phrase this, so I won’t. That’s really creepy.  
TG: yeah  
TG: oh fuck  
TT: Huh?

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TT: Oh.  
TT: Fuck indeed.  
TT: Is this what I think it is?  
TT: Please say it isn’t and you were just sick of hearing me talk.  
TT: Just… contact me when you can.

 

You hear him enter the apartment and you barely manage to close your conversation with Rose before he appears in your room. You hate how easily he comes into your room now. By some unspoken agreement he’s always left you alone in here, only coming in when you screwed up badly enough. You’re screwing up a lot, lately.

Haha, funny how your lungs are back to pretending like they’re peanut-sized just like that. You dig your fingers into the arms of your computer chair and try to hold on to your poker face with all your might.

“What did I say about you not eating?”

No battles to be won by being cheeky now. “That I should cut that shit out?”

“So what do you think you are doing.”

You bite the inside of your mouth. “Just give me some money then alright? I’ll buy it myself, like before.”

His look hardens, and you belatedly realize your mistake.

“You think imma keep spoiling you like that?”

You shake you head, but the seed had been planted.

“If that’s what you want, you’re gonna have to earn it. Meet me upstairs.” You feel fear welling up in your stomach. Strifes are never good news when he only initiates them because he’s pissed at you.

“Shit Bro, there's no need," you try. "I was just one time, I swear.” 

“Did I say that was optional?”

You go white and your hands tremble as you pick up a sword off the wall. You follow him up anyway because you know you could still get it worse.

Up on the roof, he doesn’t mention how badly you are hiding your lack of calm. On your part, it’s not hard to see how disappointed he is in you.

He doesn’t leave much of you whole that strife. You’re not even sure if you can call it a strife anymore because it seems pretty clear he isn’t attempting to teach you anything, except maybe the lesson that nothing comes easy in life.

 

 

***

 

After that Rose gives you her phone number to call when you panic, so that she at least has a better idea of whats going on. You agree on the condition that she keeps quiet if Bro ever bursts in like that again because you’re afraid Bro will force you to cut contact if he ever knew how much she knows (how much she could tell the cops).

 

 

***

 

In the end Bro’s crude method works, if you count the fact that you’re eating again and not the number of panic attacks that it brings you once you flee back into your room.

You call Rose during a particularly bad one after staring at the number for an eternity. She flubs just as much as before but in the end it’s listening to her voice rambling on and on that calms you down.

It's something. 

But not even you are going to pretend anymore like it's a solution.

 

 

***

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: hey so  
TG: i know its been a while but i still want to apologize for the shit i said about your mom  
TT: What instance of you making inappropriate sexually themed comments about my mom are you referring to here?  
TG: oh fuck you too   
TG: you know thats not what i meant  
TT: Me too?  
TT: My, my, the Lalondes must be high on your list ;)  
TG: oh my god  
TG: you motherfucking piece of  
TG: no wait that came out wrong stop what youre typing right now  
TG: ugh  
TT: Never change.  
TG: uuuuugh  
TG: as for what i was trying to say  
TG: i was talking about back we were fighting a while ago  
TG: and i sort of maybe implied that you werent allowed to complain about your mom just cause you guys are rich or something  
TT: Oh, that.  
TT: Don’t worry about it.  
TT: You were rightfully angry with me and clearly just lashing out.  
TG: yeah but  
TG: for all your sarcastic comments and hilarious retellings of battles of one upmanship i know dealing with her gets to you sometimes  
TG: especially with the drinking and shit   
TG: so i shouldnt have said that   
TT: It’s fine, Dave.  
TT: Honestly, now that I know about the bullshit you have to put up with on a daily basis, I get that you were right in that my mom’s shenanigans pale in comparison.  
TG: no look thats exactly the bullshit i wanted to address right  
TG: this isnt the suffering olympics and if you feel like shit about something thats just how it is  
TG: so if you ever wanted to vent about that   
TG: or anything  
TG: you dont have to play it down on my behalf  
TT: That’s… very considerate of you. Thank you.  
TT: What brought this on so suddenly?  
TG: nothing just  
TG: thought you should know that  
TT: Huh.  
TG: oh come on dont act so surprised  
TG: you are hurting my delicate feelings here  
TG: they are on the floor being stomped would you look at this mess  
TT: I’m sure your delicate feelings will recover from this manhandling.  
TT: You just pleasantly surprised me. Take it as a compliment to your ego or leave it for all I care.  
TG: ugh  
TT: And to answer your implicit question, I don’t necessarily wish to discuss anything of the sort right now. Maybe some other time though.  
TT: I’ll keep what you said in mind.  
TG: k cool  
TT: So, dare I ask…  
TT: How have you been faring?  
TG: eh well you know the most of it now  
TG: im  
TG: surviving i guess is what you could call it  
TT: Dave…  
TG: i know  
TG: just give me some time  
TG: theres something i need to figure out

 

 

***

 

Two weeks later, when Bro invites you to a strife, you make the decision.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: hey rose  
TG: remember that offer you made?  
TG: i guess you didnt actually expect me to but i may have to take you up on it sometime soon  
TG: although it all depends maybe i wont have to ask you for favors ever again  
TG: in that case please tell john and jade that  
TG: no wait fuck it nm not gonna go down that rabbit hole  
TG: lets see how this goes down first  
TG: thanks for everything

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

As you move around the apartment to find a throwaway sword, your phone starts and doesn’t stop buzzing. You don’t pick up even when she moves from pestering to trying to call you. You know that if you talk to her now, you won’t be able to go through with it. So instead put your phone down on a shelf and walk away.

 

 

Once upstairs, you linger in the doorstep, the anxiety gripping at your limbs tightly, trying to make you reconsider. Bro is on the other end of the roof, watching you. You step outside.

Bro lifts his sword up in the air. A sign for you to do the same, to initiate the strife. You draw yours and throw away the holster, but don’t yet raise it. Your gaze lingers on its sharp edge.

You hate sword fighting.

You hate the ridiculous amount of scars you have to show for a training that you never even asked for.

You hate having to think about how the traps he sets up around the house are a lot more fatal than they should be. How so often there is nothing stopping a shuriken or firework from flying straight into your skull. How, if ever came down to that, Bro would probably not even be around to scrape your brain bits off the floor.

You hate having to think about how what you always wrote off as cool aloofness towards your needs could very easily be been considered indifference and how the perspective shift you needed in order to see that was not even that big.

You hate having to wonder whether he ever gave a fuck about you at all.

You look him dead in the eye and throw down your sword.

 

 

It’s a very deliberate action, the statement clear.

Bro momentarily lowers his sword in a rare show of what must be confusion. That soon passes as he looks at you, down at where your sword had landed, then back at you, his disdain palpable in the air. He waits for a moment, as if to give you a final chance to right your mistake.

You don’t budge. Had this been a movie right now would be the moment to turn around and walk away like a badass, but your legs are shaking. A sad little defiance this was.

Bro points his sword at you. “If you’re too little of a man to fight, you might as well learn to dodge like a motherfucker,” is all the warning you get. A blink later and he’s gone, the air around you moving.

You try to go for the door to the staircase but it slams shut before you can even initiate the flash step. Shit. You change your direction to jump as far away from him as possible.

He stands by the door, watching you. “Face me, you coward,” he jeers, and then he comes for you with a deadly precision.

What was a strong feeling of dread before turns into an overpowering fear that makes your blood run cold. Your heart is beating so fast it hurts. You try to get out of the way of his of his slashes before he executes them, managing to stay ahead of him only by the slimmest of margins. He swings like he intends to kill. Even if you’d try blocking it wouldn’t end well, not when you have nothing but flesh to block with. It becomes clear that sooner or later his blade is going to end up in your arm, if not worse.

Is this another lesson?

Another way to make you strong?

Or is he just that willing to hurting you?

You are so focused on his blade that he gets you with a kick in the stomach. It’s viciously forceful and almost sends you flying off the roof. You fall just short of that, hitting your head against the edge of the roof as you go down.

You can’t pinpoint whether the sudden urge to vomit is caused by the pain in your stomach, the pain in your head, or sheer panic. You roll to your side gagging, desperately trying to keep it down. The reflex settles after a few moments. You stay down on the ground regardless, panting, until the end of his blade moves into your vision. Your breath catches.

Bro stands over you, his katana pointed at your chest. “Get up,” he tells you, flicking up his sword.

You don’t make any move to do so, hoping foolishly that if you just stay still you won’t have to.

You wish he’d drop his sword and lie down next to you. The two of you would share a moment to stare at the sky in contemplative silence. Then he’d ask you what the hell you thought you were doing.

You wish that he’d pierce your heart here and now and be done with it. At least you’d know for sure then.

Instead he kicks you in the ribs.

“You heard me the first time.”

As you crawl back on your feet your body sways. Your head feels dizzy, unfocused. You think you remember this is what a concussion feels like.

You hear him moving again and realize that unless you reconsider jumping off the building you are not going to get away from him now.

You try to hold your ground as he renews his unrelenting barrage of attacks on you. Dodging in close quarters turns out to be a lot harder and he slices your hands, your arms, your side, even nicks your neck while you’re still stumbling for balance. They’re mostly superficial but it’s still a lot more blood than you’ve seen in one setting in a long time. You don’t have time to let that distract you, though.

You finally succeed in performing a countermove. He makes a horizontal swing at your guts. Rather than dodging backwards, like he’d expect you to because all you’ve been doing so far is move away from him, you jump up and forward, clearing his sword –and therefore a potential dismemberment— by an inch. You push off his shoulder with your feet, which sends him tumbling forward. He swears. In a stroke of good luck you even manage to stick your landing, now several meters away from him.

Seeing your chance, you make a straight line for the door.

You almost reach it, too. But your head is too foggy to notice him getting up. Too gullible to anticipate the strike from behind, even from him.

A scorching pain runs through your back. You’re suddenly back to full clarity as you feel every inch that the sword travels in slow motion. The initial sting when it pierces the skin of your back just above your hipbone. The ice cold burn when it cuts deeper into muscle as it moves up your back. The final pull of flesh when the blade exits only when it reaches your shoulder.

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that this isn’t a cut you’re just going to walk off, even with stitches.

You go down immediately, crumple face first into the cement. This time you don’t get up, nor does he ask you to.

You remember being in so much pain that breathing doesn’t just seem, but actually is impossible.

You remember Bro swearing and moving around you at lightning speed.

You remember being in excruciating pain for a long long time untill the blood loss finally takes you.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I'm fine, how are you guys? :')
> 
> PS, If you're wondering why the art style is so inconsistent, it's because a) it kind of changes based on what i feel like and b) I acquired a new drawing tablet halfway through this chapter. Hope you don't mind!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [How Striders Roll - Podfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984788) by [grimalkinInferno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimalkinInferno/pseuds/grimalkinInferno)




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